Hospice Butterfly Release/ Bereaved Mothers Day

As I post in my last entry I was set to speak with a mom, Meredith, whose daughter Lily passed away from HPE as well.  We had a very nice talk, and she def helped my confidence for when Chris and I decide to try again.

I was also invited to a lunch and hospice butterfly release by our genetics counselor which was really nice.  The lunch consisted of about 5 other couples who had lost a child or children, and we went around and talked about our babies and what they had.  One couple was pregnant again after loosing their first child, a daughter 11 months prior who had trisomy 13 I believe, which is a chromosomal issue.  I spoke with them and they said she also had HPE but it was due to the T13.  The mom had told me her current pregnancy was going well, and that all though it had been a long 9 months, that is was def worth it.  Which hearing that helped my mind out as well.  Following our lunch we all went to the hospice butterfly release, where Beth, Mallory, Keith, and Zander came over to watch too.  They read Chloe's name along with the other children's names, and the other people who had passed aloud to all of the people there.  At the butterfly release we ended up with 6 butterflies and 4 balloons.  The kids wrote their names on their balloons, Chloe's name, and we wrote "we love you!", once the release started our butterflies didn't leave their cups, and 1 of the monarchs in the boxes flew from the box and landed right on Mallory's leg.    Once all the balloons and butterflies were released, the monarch on Mallory still wouldn't fly away, so Beth and I figured there must be something wrong with its wings.  A lady who was working with hospice came by and told us it was a girl butterfly, and it must be our loved one since it wouldn't leave.  Right before we left we had the kid put it on one of the bushes and right before we walked off the butterfly flew away.  Which then Beth and I looked at each other and started wondering why it never flew away before then, we figured it was Chloe just hanging out with us. 

I also read I believe on Sunday the 5th that it was international bereaved Mother's Day (I think it's the Sunday before Mother's Day).  Which kind of hit home because I haven't really thought this being my Mother's Day.  Chris had asked me the other day what I wanted and honestly I don't know.  I think any parent who's lost a child just wants that child to physically be there with them.  But I also think that moms in situations like ours we just want it acknowledged that we are moms, "Parents aren't determined by the number of kids they have, but the amount of Love they hold in their hearts."  For me personally I want people to talk about Chloe as well and use her name, it helps to keep her here with us.  It is comforting when we hear or read Chloe's name because it's not that we forgotten about her, because she will never be forgotten, but it's that others are remembering her just like we are.  

         Balloon and butterfly release 

 The butterfly that stayed on Mallory's leg

I believe this applies to fathers just as much