25 wks and upadates/milestones!

I am 25 wks as of Sat, and feeling pretty good, minus having strep throat for a second time this pregnancy, and all the lovely coughing/drainage due to this crazy weather we've had.  It really doesn't feel like I'm 6 months along, I guess that's due to the fact that we've known I was pregnant since I was like 2-3 wks along, just like with Chloe's pregnancy. 

We have finally started to feel her movement on the outside of my belly around 24 wks, I've been able to feel her move since about 14 wks.  Chris finally felt a pretty impressive kick on the 22nd, after only feeling light movement before that.  Let me say this little girl has some tough kicks/punches for sure.  Today I finally got her to respond to me pushing a little in a spot that she had just kicked me at, and while I was putting a little pressure she hit hard right on my hand, kind of like a "hey would you watch it!" Lol, I guess she's got the soccer gene all of us Hart kids have.  We didn't get to feel Chloe move quit like we have Puff, even though this is my second pregnancy all of this is def new for us.  With Chloe it was a lot of the butterfly feeling for me, and Chris felt her move just a little a few times, so Puffs movements are def amazing to feel/watch.  Some other updates are that around 35 wks we will know when we will deliver.  It could be as early as the week of April14th (I'll be 36 wks), or as late as the week of April 28th (I'll be 38 wks).  If some of y'all don't know my birthday is April 18th, so this little girls birthday will be very close to mine :).  We discussed at our last Dr's appt that the earlier we deliver there is a chance I will have to do steroid shots before delivery to ensure that Puffs lungs are properly developed before she makes her big appearance.  We've also got her room started, we're painted white and gray stripes on the wall that her crib will sit on, and the other walls are going to be are brighter hot pink. 

We go back to the Dr on the 6th, and then we'll go back 2 wks from then for my 28 wk glucose test.  Still praying everything goes well!!

Happy 1st Birthday sweet Chloe!!

Little did we know, a year ago today, it would be our first and last time seeing you, or holding you Chloe.  Even though we have pictures to us remember this day, and all the days before,  we still miss you dearly.  I wonder who you would've been if you could of stayed with us, what you would look like, the things you would like.  I am very thankful for the 27 wks that we got to spend with you, even though there were many rough and trying weeks, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  All though you were little, all of 10 inches long, and weighed 10.4 ounces, we know you had the strongest hearts, and are growing so big in heaven.  You made the largest impact on our lives, and will continue to do so in the lives of your siblings.  I pray that you continue to watch over everyone, and am thankful that you have helped to bless us with another little girl that I know will have a little bit of you in her.  I pray that we make you proud everyday, and know that we love you very much.  Till the day we all meet again.  Happy 1st birthday our sweet Chloe!! Mommy and daddy love and miss you so very much!!

Chris:

In the last blog post I decided to release some of my pent up aggression and after it was all said and done I felt real good. It's weird that posting in something like this would have an affect on me. That being said I have decided that it would be in my best interest to keep doing so. 

I'll start off with some sad notes, but will end it the best way I know how. 

I'm sorry Chloe that I couldn't fix what was going on. I was powerless in this and I often feel like I let you down. I know you're up there with Great Granny and PawPaw hanging out and watching over our entire family. 

I was being selfish after you passed away, I kept thinking 'I lost my daughter, why my daughter?, why me?'. I couldn't help it. That day I lost a huge piece of me and I was devastated about it. It wasn't until I was talking to my best friend that I realized how selfish I had become. He had gone through a very rough patch which still haunts him to this day. (which is completely understandable) I couldn't imagine the pain of losing a parent suddenly. I remember looking at him and telling him 'it wasn't just you that lost someone, your dad lost someone, your sister lost someone, everyone she ever came in contact lost a special person.' It wasn't until after I said that, that I realized Chloe wasn't just Lindsay and my baby. It was my mom and dads first grandbaby, my sisters first niece, my mother-in-laws 8th grandbaby, and a new niece/cousin for the litter. 

Another thing that we talked about was the fact that as the 'rule' states, is that you are supposed to bury your parents, not your children. I've heard that saying in the past, but never did I ever think it would apply to me. I know that at some point I will have to bury my mom and dad (God willing, not for many many years from now), but never did I think I would ever have to attend a memorial service for my offspring. 

I remember at the memorial service, the sheer amount of people that showed up. For a little girl, who never graced this earth with her presence, to have a flock of people show up was amazing. For the first time during this whole situation I finally felt and saw what true love and friendship was all about. None of the people that showed up had to, yet they did out of the kindness in their heart. Two nurses from our doctor in Odessa even made the trip which I would've never anticipated. It was great seeing the balloons hit the sky in that iconic heart shape. It was almost like a final goodbye and 'I love you' from that sweet angel in the sky. 

On a lighter note now. This pregnancy has been extremely fun and adventurous to say the least. Everything from the stereotypical morning sickness to the fact that she can't handle chicken cause it's slippery (which for some unknown reason makes her gag) is hilarious. This pregnancy (just like with Chloe) has brought us a lot closer together and our love for each other is greater than I could of ever imagined. Our relationships with our friends also seems stronger as well. It's crazy what a death and pregnancy can do to people. 

I personally wanted to say a big Thank You to anyone that reads this and to everyone that has been a part of our lives, whether it was from the beginning or not. Our friends really helped us through a very rough patch in our lives and there is no way we could ever repay that debt. 

'Let go and let God'

Happy Birthday baby girl! I love you!!

Pre-delivery nerves already and then some

So as everyone probably knows, I have to have another c-section this pregnancy, and every pregnancy here out, due to having a "classical (vertical)" incision on my uterus.  I think I'm kind of prepared for it, due to already knowing what to expect but I guess with the pregnancy hormones I'm kind of starting to get nervous about the thought of another c-sec.  Chloe's delivery was my first surgery, first IV, and first real stay in a hospital.  I remember my blood pressure was high when we went in so it wasn't the easiest for the nurse's to do my IV, and after they couldn't get it the first time I remember telling Chris that I was ready to go home, and that Chloe could just stay in my belly.  I was sooo over it, and I'm afraid it'll be that way this time when it comes to the IV, even though I know Chloe's delivery was more then just nerves, we also knew that we weren't going to be able to take our baby home.  I know this time that part will be different, but I'm still nervous, and I'm sure Chris is nervous about getting sick in the OR once again.  But hopefully he'll actually eat, take a xanex, or something before hand lol.  When we saw the high risk dr, he was telling us we will deliver around 37 to 38 wks, which we had known, I can't go into labor on my own, or have any kind of contractions.  I guess I'm nervous about all the unknowns of after Puff is born, like when she'll come out we'll actually know, we will hear her cry, see her shortly after she is born, and when she'll go to the nursery, ect...  With Chloe we didn't know when she was actually born, and we didn't get to see her until we got back into our recovery room.

On a lighter note, I can already tell this little girl loves her daddy though.  Anytime I feel her more I try to put my hand there to see if I can feel it on the outside, and once I do she'll sometime stop moving, but when Chris put his hand on my belly she is all about moving around.  I think she may like when I sing too, or at least I hope so, when I sing in the car I can sometimes feel her move around.  But it may be her way of saying "hey mom, stop singing!" Lol!  My belly buttons starting to poke out more now too, or as Chris say's "the turkey's getting done".


Chris: I really haven't put anything in to this blog until now. I don't know if it was just due to nerves or didn't know how to put anything, but now its time.

Chloe's pregnancy was a smorgasbord of emotions. Everything from pure joy and excitement to pain and agony. I haven't ever felt true hate and anger until the time after her delivery. I was mad all the time, wasn't the happy person that people were accustomed to. I only got more and more angry as the day passed. Knowing our baby wasn't home, knowing that when she got home she would be sitting in a box on a bookshelf. It really pissed me off and I eventually hated myself for thinking that way and acting the way I did. It wasn't until I took a step back and realized I was in a deep depression and was in denial about it. A few months after Chloe's birth Lindsay and I had what came to be known as a 'come to Jesus meeting'. It took me opening my heart and mind to her for me to finally feel like the old self I was, instead of the shell I became. To this day I have mixed emotions. For instance I'll see a dad walking around with his daughter and a piece of me gets green with envy and jealousy. I think 'that should be me.'. Then I realize I have a daughter, that no matter what, is always with me.

The reason I think I got so mad about it all was the fact that I couldn't fix what was going on. Anyone that knows me knows that I can fix damn near anything. If I can't, I'll find someone who can and will be there until it is fixed. Instead I had to let go and let nature take it's course. I couldn't stand sitting there and waiting for a solution (which deep down I knew wasn't coming). I wanted her healthy, I wanted us to be happy, I wanted perfection, but most of all I wanted my daughter here. Unfortunately it didn't happen. I had a decent support system there for me. My mom was still quite sick from a stem cell transplant, so that combined with Chloe was very tough for me to handle. Luckily when family fell through my friends came in. The first night at the hospital my best friend called me and 'kidnapped' me for a little while for dinner (which was the only thing I ate between the c-section and the day we left the hospital). I never really thanked him and let him know just how much that meant to me. For that small amount of time I was free and away from this tragic reality that I was shoved into.

After the 'come to Jesus meeting', our lives completely changed. We finally started to move on a little (still with Chloe at our sides) and started to feel like ourselves again. I look at life a lot different than before, I understand that each moment should be treasured because you just never know. That little girl had a huge impact on me, and still does to this second. I still want to make her proud of her daddy.

20 wks- Gender Reveal!

We went to a high risk dr on Dec 16th and got my 20 wk exam done (I was 19 wks).  The dr said everything looks great, all development has taken place, and said this baby appears to be a health child!!  We are so extremely happy that we got such great news!  The sonographer was also 90-95% sure of gender.  We also got to see the baby on a 3D and 4D scan!!  I def think Puff's got my nose :).

We went yesterday and took some gender reveal pictures with our friend, Mari, to tell everyone, and guess what!!  We've been blessed with another baby GIRL!!  We are so extremely happy and could not be more blessed with everything God and Chloe have blessed us with.   Last year was such a crazy time, and we had so many downs, along with a few ups, but with Chloe watching over us, she has helped to bless us with so much more then we could ever imagine.  I def am continuing to pray that everything goes amazing for us, and that this little girl has a little bit of her big sister in her!! 

17 Wks & Wives Tales for Gender Predictions

We are now at 17 wks and 3 days pregnant with Puff, and its been a really good pregnancy.  Yes I had horrible morning sickness for about 14 wks, which I never had with Chloe, but its been pretty good considering how nervous I was when we found out we were expecting once again.  We've been seeing Martinez about every 2 wks or so now, we started out seeing him about every week, then we switched to go every 2 now, and that's been pretty good, although we did go a week that we were scheduled cause I wanted to make sure everything was alright still.  Paranoia hasn't really set in till here recently, and I think that's due to the fact that 16 wks is when we found out there was something wrong with Chloe's brain development.  But Puff's movements have been really good in the sonograms, the fluid has been good too, and we can def tell Puff's getting bigger. 

I'm finally starting to get a pregnant belly now, and sadly my belly button feels and looks like it may be popping out soon o_O.  Everything has def been different this time around, which I feel means a good thing.  Chris and I have been looking up gender predictions too, and comparing them to Chloe's pregnancy, I'll list them below with the gender it predicts.  Hopefully we'll know soon if Chloe is going to have a little brother or sister!

Tale #1- Linea Nigra- the line on the belly, said if you get a línea nigra and it runs from your pubic area to your belly button only, it’s a girl, and if it goes all the way up from your pubic area to the bottom-most part of you rib cage, then it’s a boy.  Well with Chloe I never had it, and with Puff I don't have it, so no point to either gender here.

Tale #2- Carrying high or low? So as the tale goes, if you are carrying low, it’s a boy, or if you’re carrying high it’s a girl.  With Chloe I def carried high from the beginning, and so far with Puff its been low.  Point for BOY

Tale #3- Baby's Heart Rate?- Say's if the baby's heart rate is 140 bpm or higher its a girl, lower than 140 bpm its a boy.  I honestly can't remember what Chloe's heart rate was, and with Puff we haven't gotten the bpm from the Dr's but we've listen at home and got around 142-143.  So I'm kind of iffy here since its right off 140, but point for GIRL.

Tale #4- Drano Test- This on involves mixing your urine with tablespoon of Drano, if its a girl its suppose to turn green, and a boy its suppose to turn blue.  I've also read that if its a girl there's no change in color, and if its a boy its suppose to get darker.  Weird I know, but I have never heard of this until this pregnancy, so I never did it with Chloe, sadly we did try it last night, I think that it was darker, and Chris said he didn't see a change, so I guess point for both BOY and GIRL since we didn't agree.

Tale #5- Skin Dry or Soft? If your skin is dry, you’re said to be having a boy – and if it’s soft, then a girl is on the way.  I can't really remember how my skin was with Chloe, with Puff I def can tell it has gotten drier, so point for BOY.

Tale #6- Hair- Has your hair become thinner and dull? Or full-bodied and glossy? Thin and dull says girl, gorgeous and glossy says a boy.  I can't remember if my hair was thinner with Chloe, I just remember it would not do anything I wanted it to, with Puff, I've had much more hair fall, but my hair has def been more glossy, and does exactly what I want it to do, so point for BOY I guess.

Tale #7- Weight Gain- If you are carrying extra weight at the front, then you’re having a boy… but if you are carrying extra weight on your bum and hips, then you have been carrying a girl. What about dad-to-be? If he’s gaining weight with you, apparently you’re having a girl. If he’s put on no weight, a boy for you!  With Chloe most everyone can agree that my thighs got HUGE, very quickly I may add and people knew I was pregnant way before we told anyone, with Puff, I have thankfully not had the big thighs, or quick weight gain, I think that's why we were able to keep it a secret for much longer than Chloe's pregnancy.  Chris' weight I honestly don't think ever really changed with either pregnancy.  So point for BOY from my end at least.

Tale #8-  Numbers- Okay there's 2 here that I've read about.  First one, if you combine your age at the time of conception with the number of the month you conceived and the resulting number is odd – then it’s a girl on the way. If the resulting number is even, then it’s a boy for you.  Chloe's number is 30, Puff's number is 32.  So point for BOY on this one.
Second tale- they say if you get ur birth month, age, year of conception add it then add the numbers in the total as Odd means boy, Even girl.  Chloe's number is 39, Puff's number is 41.  Another BOY point here.
 
Tale #9- Sweet, Salty or Sour?- If your craving sweets, fruit, or juice old wives say that you could be having a girl. But if you’re craving sour or salty foods, then you could be having a boy. It’s also said that if you are having a boy, you will crave protein like meat and dairy.  With Chloe I def craved sweet tea, and fruits that I can remember, with Puff from the beginning I wanted bacon, cheese, veggies, and I still can not have anything sweet without feeling sick.  Once again point for BOY.

Tale #10- How Do You Look?- As it goes, if you look great during pregnancy, then you are carrying a boy. If you don’t look too flash, you’re having a girl, because she’s stolen all your good looks!  Honestly I have no idea how I look for either pregnancy, but I will say I don't think I look that great this time around, so point for GIRL from my point of view.

Tale #11-  Do You Have Cold Feet?-  If your feet get colder than they used to pre-pregnancy, it’s a sign you have a boy on the way. If your feet are the same, then it’s a girl!  I don't remember what my feet were like with Chloe's pregnancy, and Chris say's my feet are always cold now, so point for BOY.

Tale #12- North or South?- When you sleep, is your pillow north or south? If it’s north, then expect a boy, or south means a girl is on the way.  I don't really understand this one, but never the less our bed is on the south part of the bedroom, so point for GIRL.

Tale #13- Dreaded Acne-  If you get acne during pregnancy, apparently you’re having a girl, and if you don’t, then you’re carrying a boy.  I know I had some break outs with Chloe towards the end, and I def have had some with Puff, so point for GIRL.

Tale #14- Sleep on Your Right or Left Side?  When you sleep, do you sleep on your left? Because if you do, then it’s a boy for you! On your right, a girl is in sight.  I remember sleeping on my right side a lot with Chloe, with Puff its hard to say cause I fall asleep easier on my left, but wake up sometimes on my right, so I guess no point here really.

Tale #15- Hairy Legs?- Has the hair on your legs grown faster than normal? Or has it grown just like normal? Because if it’s growing faster than it did pre-pregnancy, then you’re said to be having a boy.  This is horrible that I'm putting this one, but oh well, I remember with Chloe it wasn't until the end that I noticed my legs kind of had gotten hairier lol, and this time I noticed right away that my darn hair was growing way, way fast.  So point for BOY.

Tale #16- Ring Test-  You take your wedding ring, and tie it to a string and hover it over your belly, if it swings back and forth its a girl, if it goes in a circle its a boy.  We did this one last night too, and it was kind of hard to tell what it was doing, at first it went in a circle, and then we tried again and it ended up swinging back and forth, so point for both GIRL and BOY?

Tale #17- Chinese Calendar- I don't know really how it works, but you find a gender calendar and find your age at conception, and month of conception and it will say boy or girl.  I remember it said girl for Chloe, and with Puff it says girl.  So point for GIRL.

Tale #18- Mayan Prediction-  This one you take the age you conceived and the year you conceived, if both are even numbers its a girl, if they are opposites (one odd, one even) then its a boy.  Well for Chloe the numbers are 23 & 2012, Puff 24 & 2013.  So another BOY point.

Well I got 12 points for BOY and 7 points for GIRL.
I don't know if I really believe all of these, cause as you can see some were true for Chloe and some weren't.  But why not have a little fun until we actually find out right?  I mean we've got a 50/50 chance of being right!  If anyone has any other tales or anything let me know, or let me know what these predicted for you if you've done them!! Chris and I def had fun reading through some of the weird/crazy things that people say predict the gender of your baby!

Keeping this blog/ Update

I had a friend ask if we were going to keep up with this blog, or if we were going to create a new blog for this pregnancy, and honestly I want to keep this blog and just continue to write about our adventures with our rainbow baby, Chloe, and future babies.

I am currently 13 wks, and all scans are looking great, we've got to see a lot of Coco Puffs movement, which we didn't get to see Chloe move much.  Her movements were more reflexive movements which is common with HPE, were as Puffs seem to be more normal, I guess would be the right way to describe it?  I'm finally starting to get more of a pregnant belly now, instead of a "is she pregnant or just gaining weight" belly lol. We're also going to see Martinez every week for now to keep an eye on the fluid since we're always paranoid about it since Chloe's was so low early on, but as he said the fluid looks great, and there's a lot of it.  We also discussed going to see the high risk drs for a more extensive exam to check Puff's development, which I don't know when that'll be, I'm guessing around 16 wks, since that's when we found out there was a development problem with Chloe.  Another confidence booster with this pregnancy, besides having good feelings has been that Puff has always measured right on with the weeks that I am, were as Chloe always measured around a week behind.  I'll post sonograms below of Chloe and of Puff so everyone can see the differences that Chris and I are seeing  already as well.  I guess I will leave off the blog here, and write more posts later, keep checking back :)!!

Puff's 10 wk sonogram 

Chloe's 12 wk sonogram, you can tell her fluid was getting low here 

Puff's 13 wk sonogram, you can tell Puff's fluid is much different from Chloe's 12 wk sonogram

Another of Puff's 13 wk sonogram, the pointer is pointing at toesies 

Praying this is our Rainbow

On Aug 28th, around 6 pm Chris and I got the amazing news that Chloe helped answer some of our prayers and sent us another child.  I am 9 wks pregnant currently, and it has been very difficult to keep it quiet since we found out when I was around 2-3 wks.  Chris and I are both confident in that this pregnancy will go differently if you will, we're still hoping and praying though, this time is already very different from Chloe's pregnancy. 

I remember before we found out with Chloe I had gained weight quickly and people thought I was pregnant right away, and this time that was not the case, my belly is slowly starting to round and stick out more, also I was never really sick in the beginning with Chloe either and now I've had all day morning sickness/nausea, which I've heard is a good thing.

We got to see Dr Martinez at 6 wks and saw our little coco puff and the heart beat, which was amazing since you usually can't see it that early on.  We got to hear the heart beat at 7 wks, and again at 8 wks, and Dr Martinez said everything is looking great, which is def comforting and helping with our nervousness.  We are set to go back when I am about 11-12 wks and I know some people are wondering if we will be seeing the Dr more, and as he and the nurses kindly told us if we want to come in anytime between appts just to see the baby or anything like that we can def give them a call and they would be more then happy to get us in.  Which knowing that is a major comfort and weight lifted off of us.  We have also talked about seeing the high risk Drs sometime for a more extensive exam and to check development and everything like that.  We don't know when that will be yet, I'm thinking it may be around 16 wks since that is when we found out there was concern with Chloe.  Chris and I are def nervous, excited, and all of the other emotions that come along, but we have a sense of comfort, I like to think it's from Chloe and God letting us know everything will be alright.

I also don't want anyone to think we are replacing Chloe, because there is nothing in this world that can EVER replace her, we are simply adding to our amazing family, and giving her a sibling to watch over.  We still miss her everyday, and I know that I talk and think of her all the time, and we are so grateful that we had her for the time we did.  We are lucky enough to know who one of our guardian angels are, and who will help to watch over our children, along with her pawpaw and great granny.  

I guess I will end this post for the moment and I would like to ask everyone to keep our family in your thoughts and prayers please!  Also I would like to thank everyone for all of their kind words of excitement and love that we have received, it means so much to me!

Our announcement picture