Taboo

Did you know that 1 in 4 women will have some sort of pregnancy loss?  That's 25% of women, yet no one talks about it.

I watched the YouTube vogglers Nia and Sam's video which has been circulating around FB about him announcing her pregnancy to her. (Check it out here https://youtu.be/GODw8TuinNQ)  It was a very cute (and somewhat odd) video and seeing how happy they were made me very happy for them.  Unfortunately today I saw a video of theirs where they sadly announced that they had miscarried.  It's so sad to hear and read. They were all so excited and unfortunately it came to an ubrupt end.  I know that feeling all to well. 

A big thing that bothers me though is the comments that they're receiving, some saying that they "faked" the pregnancy, and others saying "they announced to early". I read she was around 6-7 wks along.  I know it's taboo to announce before 12 wks to anyone but we announced both of our pregnancies before 12 wks, and I have a child in heaven and a healthy one here on Earth.  It's hard to keep the joys of pregnancy quiet. I know some think it will jinx a healthy pregnancy, but you get to be happy for a little bit longer. God forbid something bad does happen, you don't have to go about it alone.  It's sad that our society makes us feel like it's wrong to talk about pregnancy loss, or child loss because it's taboo and makes people uncomfortable. However you know what it's even more uncomfortable for the people going through it? Knowing that they can't talk about their loss cause it makes things weird.  What all those parents need sometimes is for someone to talk to, to listen to them, to let them know they are still parents, or to just simply speak about their child. 

Going back to the statistic at the first, if you have 3 of your closest friends in a circle with you, 1 person statistically in that circle will, God forbid, miscarry. 1 in 4 is not a big number.  It sucks to become a statistic, and when it happens, you feel like you're the only one going through it, even though you know you're not.  In the past 2 years since Chloe's birth it seems like there has been more awareness being brought up about pregnancy and child loss. I may notice because we're one family that has been through it, but I have the hope that one day it won't be so taboo to talk about. It can happen to anyone at any time and unfortunately no one is exempt.

Dad:

After going through what we did, I learned a few valuable lessons. Talking about it to people, to me, is a double edged sword. It feels good to let it out, but it feels like ripping off a bandaid. If someone talks to you about their situation and really let's you know how their heart feels, listen to them. They are opening up their heart and soul to you and letting you see their vulnerable side. When our daughter was given the grim diagnosis I had a tough time talking to anyone. I didn't want people to know how bad it hurt. To this day I regret not letting anyone in 100%. The only real person who has seen my dark side is my wife. It's a dark and deep space that is slowly, but surely, getting occupied by Brooke. She has truly changed my mind and heart more than anything in the world. What happened with Chloe will be in my heart and soul forever. It's a love/hate issue. I loved the fact that I was able to hold her, kiss her, and pray over her. However I hated it because I knew I'd never hold her, kiss her, or see her ever again. There isn't a tougher feeling in the world to overcome than that of a child that has been ripped out of your life for no reason and there is nothing you can do to fix it.