Friday, January 8, 2016
Monday, August 24, 2015
As I sit here and watch Brooke play with her Minnie Mouse tea set I can't believe how big she's gotten, and what a personality she's developed in 15 months. I know in just a bit we'll head to the bedroom, cuddle and probably watch Octonauts as she slowly drifts off to sleep. I think with kids starting school, and seeing all of my nieces and nephews grow older it's gotten me kind of emotional. My baby isn't much of a baby anymore, she's a dancing, smiling, laughing, talktive, crazy at times, fun loving, not so little bundle of joy. I think of that saying, "you'll never get this time with your kids again, so cherish it", and believe me Chris and I def do. Some may think we spoil Brooke, but my thinking is you can never spoil a kid with too much love and affection. A friend pinned a picture that I think is so true it said something like, 'No matter who comes into their lives, they will never love them as much as I do'.
My oldest niece is starting Jr high this year. I just need to let that sink in, this young lady who's about my height now that I used to change her diapers, and coached her soccer team since she was 4, is starting Jr high. I think it's hard to fathom that she's grown so much in what feels like such a little amount of time. I feel the same with Brooke, it was just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital wasn't it??
Chris and I have talked about having more kids, and while we def do, hopefully it won't be soon, maybe 2-3 years. Unless God's plan for us is different of course. I think right now we have our hands pretty full with this little gymnast that's climbing onto the couch and attacking us.
With everything that has happened in our life's in the past 3 years of our totally imperfectness. Just sitting here on the couch with Brooke stealing my phone and saying cheese at the camera, and Chris playing a little xbox, it feels pretty perfect to me. I'm sure it helps that we have some pretty amazing people watching over us. I hope everyone has great days back to school, and a wonderful school year!
Monday, August 10, 2015
Did you know that 1 in 4 women will have some sort of pregnancy loss? That's 25% of women, yet no one talks about it.
I watched the YouTube vogglers Nia and Sam's video which has been circulating around FB about him announcing her pregnancy to her. (Check it out here https://youtu.be/GODw8TuinNQ) It was a very cute (and somewhat odd) video and seeing how happy they were made me very happy for them. Unfortunately today I saw a video of theirs where they sadly announced that they had miscarried. It's so sad to hear and read. They were all so excited and unfortunately it came to an ubrupt end. I know that feeling all to well.
A big thing that bothers me though is the comments that they're receiving, some saying that they "faked" the pregnancy, and others saying "they announced to early". I read she was around 6-7 wks along. I know it's taboo to announce before 12 wks to anyone but we announced both of our pregnancies before 12 wks, and I have a child in heaven and a healthy one here on Earth. It's hard to keep the joys of pregnancy quiet. I know some think it will jinx a healthy pregnancy, but you get to be happy for a little bit longer. God forbid something bad does happen, you don't have to go about it alone. It's sad that our society makes us feel like it's wrong to talk about pregnancy loss, or child loss because it's taboo and makes people uncomfortable. However you know what it's even more uncomfortable for the people going through it? Knowing that they can't talk about their loss cause it makes things weird. What all those parents need sometimes is for someone to talk to, to listen to them, to let them know they are still parents, or to just simply speak about their child.
Going back to the statistic at the first, if you have 3 of your closest friends in a circle with you, 1 person statistically in that circle will, God forbid, miscarry. 1 in 4 is not a big number. It sucks to become a statistic, and when it happens, you feel like you're the only one going through it, even though you know you're not. In the past 2 years since Chloe's birth it seems like there has been more awareness being brought up about pregnancy and child loss. I may notice because we're one family that has been through it, but I have the hope that one day it won't be so taboo to talk about. It can happen to anyone at any time and unfortunately no one is exempt.
After going through what we did, I learned a few valuable lessons. Talking about it to people, to me, is a double edged sword. It feels good to let it out, but it feels like ripping off a bandaid. If someone talks to you about their situation and really let's you know how their heart feels, listen to them. They are opening up their heart and soul to you and letting you see their vulnerable side. When our daughter was given the grim diagnosis I had a tough time talking to anyone. I didn't want people to know how bad it hurt. To this day I regret not letting anyone in 100%. The only real person who has seen my dark side is my wife. It's a dark and deep space that is slowly, but surely, getting occupied by Brooke. She has truly changed my mind and heart more than anything in the world. What happened with Chloe will be in my heart and soul forever. It's a love/hate issue. I loved the fact that I was able to hold her, kiss her, and pray over her. However I hated it because I knew I'd never hold her, kiss her, or see her ever again. There isn't a tougher feeling in the world to overcome than that of a child that has been ripped out of your life for no reason and there is nothing you can do to fix it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
It's been some time since my last post. We haven't had to much excitement other then Brooke turning 1 in April!! She's walking, talking, singing, and just so smart and beautiful. Oh and did I mention she loves Dr Phil, she gets so excited when she hears his voice. I'll share a few pictures at the end of this post.
Seeing her grow up so fast makes me sad, but I am so thankful that she's happy and healthy. I know Chloe watches over her, the other day Brooke saw some pictures of us with Chloe and started saying "baby!", we told her yes that's sister, a few days later she noticed them again and it sounded just like she said "sister!" I wonder sometimes if she can see her, or her papa, or her great grandparents, like some people say that kids can see angels. There are some days that she'll just start talking and smiling, it makes me wonder if the angels are talking or singing to her.
I guess some other excitement that we've had has been that Chris and I both had chicken pox for the second time. We both had mild cases when we were little, and just happened to get them again in our 20's, how does that happen? Well I guess I did give them to Chris so we know how he got them, hahaha. As Chris said "chicken pox are for the birds, no pun intended". Now we're just praying that Brooke won't get infected, it's been 2 wks since I've had them and Chris is going through the scabing up stage.
Chris and I also celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary, and 10 years together in June. We've had some hard times obviously, that many couples may never go through, and we've always come out stronger. There's no one else in this world that I'd rather spend this crazy beautiful life with!
I'll go ahead and leave this post for now, and share a few pictures, and I'll be sure not to wait so long between posting next time.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Thankfully Brooke is a very good baby, she sleeps really well, I have to set alarms to get her up to eat. We've gotten into a pretty good routine now, right after I get up to get her bottle she's usually starting to wake up ready to eat. She also is really good about falling asleep by herself, and she only really cries when she has gas, getting her diaper or clothes changes, or is hungry. I know we're going to have some tough days, but right now I'm very thankful for how blessed we've been.
I hate to admit that I've had a few days where I call Brooke Chloe. It makes me a little sad, but I know its normal, we've only said Chloe's name for over a year. I think it makes me sad because it makes me wonder if Chloe would of looked like Brooke, and if she would of been like Brooke or had her own little things. Like Brooke when she's drinking her milk does this little high pitched like swallowing sound, its hard to explain but its the cutest thing ever. Or if Chloe would have the reddish tint to her hair like Brooke, I know they would of had similarities in looks, but it still makes me wonder. Both Chloe and Brooke have my nose, Chloe had my eyes, and Brooke has what look like her daddy's eyes, they both have the "Hart toes" as we call them, and Brooke has her daddy's hands/fingers, sadly I can't really remember what Chloe's hands/fingers looked like.
I'm not sure if anyone remembers my post about white butterflies, but few days before we had Brooke I kept seeing a single white butterfly in our yard, and the day we brought her home we saw what I would guess was the same little butterfly. I like to think its Chloe keeping close to us, we see a white butterfly usually everyday now. I'm not sure if I put this in our last post but Brooke has 3 dimples, 2 by her mouth, and one in her left cheek, and possibly one in her right cheek. One of our friends step moms said she always heard that dimples were "angel kisses". And which that makes sense cause Brooke does have her sister, her pawpaw, and her great granny in heaven. I ended up googling to see if there was anyone else who have heard that before and I found this blog post that's a really good read, you should check it out: http://sephoraanangelsjourney.wordpress.com/2013/08/12/the-story-about-the-dimple/
I haven't looked at any of her other posts just yet besides this one, but she is also an Angel Mom with a little girl in heaven, and has rainbow baby who has a dimple in his little cheek.
I'll go ahead and stop my writing here, and post the pictures I was talking about above!