Monday, August 24, 2015

Where is Time Going?

As I sit here and watch Brooke play with her Minnie Mouse tea set I can't believe how big she's gotten, and what a personality she's developed in 15 months.  I know in just a bit we'll head to the bedroom, cuddle and probably watch Octonauts as she slowly drifts off to sleep.  I think with kids starting school, and seeing all of my nieces and nephews grow older it's gotten me kind of emotional.  My baby isn't much of a baby anymore, she's a dancing, smiling, laughing, talktive, crazy at times, fun loving, not so little bundle of joy.  I think of that saying, "you'll never get this time with your kids again, so cherish it", and believe me Chris and I def do.  Some may think we spoil Brooke, but my thinking is you can never spoil a kid with too much love and affection.  A friend pinned a picture that I think is so true it said something like, 'No matter who comes into their lives, they will never love them as much as I do'.

My oldest niece is starting Jr high this year.  I just need to let that sink in, this young lady who's about my height now that I used to change her diapers, and coached her soccer team since she was 4, is starting Jr high.  I think it's hard to fathom that she's grown so much in what feels like such a little amount of time.  I feel the same with Brooke, it was just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital wasn't it??

Chris and I have talked about having more kids, and while we def do, hopefully it won't be soon, maybe 2-3 years.  Unless God's plan for us is different of course.  I think right now we have our hands pretty full with this little gymnast that's climbing onto the couch and attacking us.

With everything that has happened in our life's in the past 3 years of our totally imperfectness.  Just sitting here on the couch with Brooke stealing my phone and saying cheese at the camera, and Chris playing a little xbox, it feels pretty perfect to me.  I'm sure it helps that we have some pretty amazing people watching over us.  I hope everyone has great days back to school, and a wonderful school year!

Still has one beautiful smile
Squishy face with daddy

Monday, August 10, 2015


Did you know that 1 in 4 women will have some sort of pregnancy loss?  That's 25% of women, yet no one talks about it.

I watched the YouTube vogglers Nia and Sam's video which has been circulating around FB about him announcing her pregnancy to her. (Check it out here  It was a very cute (and somewhat odd) video and seeing how happy they were made me very happy for them.  Unfortunately today I saw a video of theirs where they sadly announced that they had miscarried.  It's so sad to hear and read. They were all so excited and unfortunately it came to an ubrupt end.  I know that feeling all to well. 

A big thing that bothers me though is the comments that they're receiving, some saying that they "faked" the pregnancy, and others saying "they announced to early". I read she was around 6-7 wks along.  I know it's taboo to announce before 12 wks to anyone but we announced both of our pregnancies before 12 wks, and I have a child in heaven and a healthy one here on Earth.  It's hard to keep the joys of pregnancy quiet. I know some think it will jinx a healthy pregnancy, but you get to be happy for a little bit longer. God forbid something bad does happen, you don't have to go about it alone.  It's sad that our society makes us feel like it's wrong to talk about pregnancy loss, or child loss because it's taboo and makes people uncomfortable. However you know what it's even more uncomfortable for the people going through it? Knowing that they can't talk about their loss cause it makes things weird.  What all those parents need sometimes is for someone to talk to, to listen to them, to let them know they are still parents, or to just simply speak about their child. 

Going back to the statistic at the first, if you have 3 of your closest friends in a circle with you, 1 person statistically in that circle will, God forbid, miscarry. 1 in 4 is not a big number.  It sucks to become a statistic, and when it happens, you feel like you're the only one going through it, even though you know you're not.  In the past 2 years since Chloe's birth it seems like there has been more awareness being brought up about pregnancy and child loss. I may notice because we're one family that has been through it, but I have the hope that one day it won't be so taboo to talk about. It can happen to anyone at any time and unfortunately no one is exempt.


After going through what we did, I learned a few valuable lessons. Talking about it to people, to me, is a double edged sword. It feels good to let it out, but it feels like ripping off a bandaid. If someone talks to you about their situation and really let's you know how their heart feels, listen to them. They are opening up their heart and soul to you and letting you see their vulnerable side. When our daughter was given the grim diagnosis I had a tough time talking to anyone. I didn't want people to know how bad it hurt. To this day I regret not letting anyone in 100%. The only real person who has seen my dark side is my wife. It's a dark and deep space that is slowly, but surely, getting occupied by Brooke. She has truly changed my mind and heart more than anything in the world. What happened with Chloe will be in my heart and soul forever. It's a love/hate issue. I loved the fact that I was able to hold her, kiss her, and pray over her. However I hated it because I knew I'd never hold her, kiss her, or see her ever again. There isn't a tougher feeling in the world to overcome than that of a child that has been ripped out of your life for no reason and there is nothing you can do to fix it.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Been a While

It's been some time since my last post.  We haven't had to much excitement other then Brooke turning 1 in April!!  She's walking, talking, singing, and just so smart and beautiful.  Oh and did I mention she loves Dr Phil, she gets so excited when she hears his voice.  I'll share a few pictures at the end of this post. 

Seeing her grow up so fast makes me sad, but I am so thankful that she's happy and healthy.  I know Chloe watches over her, the other day Brooke saw some pictures of us with Chloe and started saying "baby!", we told her yes that's sister, a few days later she noticed them again and it sounded just like she said "sister!"  I wonder sometimes if she can see her, or her papa, or her great grandparents, like some people say that kids can see angels.  There are some days that she'll just start talking and smiling, it makes me wonder if the angels are talking or singing to her.

I guess some other excitement that we've had has been that Chris and I both had chicken pox for the second time.  We both had mild cases when we were little, and just happened to get them again in our 20's, how does that happen?   Well I guess I did give them to Chris so we know how he got them, hahaha.  As Chris said "chicken pox are for the birds, no pun intended".  Now we're just praying that Brooke won't get infected, it's been 2 wks since I've had them and Chris is going through the scabing up stage. 

Chris and I also celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary, and 10 years together in June.  We've had some hard times obviously, that many couples may never go through, and we've always come out stronger.  There's no one else in this world that I'd rather spend this crazy beautiful life with!  

I'll go ahead and leave this post for now, and share a few pictures, and I'll be sure not to wait so long between posting next time.  

Eating her birthday cake
Clearly we don't take ourselves to serious
Watching her Dr Phil during family pictures
Us through the years 

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Happy 2nd Birthday Chloe!!

           2 years ago today, we said hello and good-bye to our angel, Chloe Aria.  As most of you who know us or read this blog know we found out at 16 wks pregnancy that Chloe had a condition called Primitive Alobar Holoprosencephaly (HPE).  Meaning that in her development her brain did not properly develop, all that had developed was her brain stem, and a cranial sack of cerebral spinal fluid.  Now 3+ years ago never would I of thought I would know such big medical terms, how to spell them, or let alone what they actually meant.  I also never would have thought that I would be effected directly by a condition like this, I’ve seen miscarriages in our family and friends, but never pregnancy loss resulting in stillbirth.  Now that being said, some of you may think that Chloe was a miscarriage, but in the medical field she was a stillbirth, if a pregnancy ends after 20 wks it is no longer considered miscarriage, we had her at 27 wks.   
In our state of mind and life now looking back, that was one of the darkest times of our lives, but Chris and I lived it to the fullest and tried to look for the best in all of the situations we were handed.  I believe our faith was tested to the fullest, and we def came out stronger than I thought we would of.  Some people may think, ‘well if you knew she was going to pass away anyway, why go through the pregnancy, and just terminate?’  Well that’s a good questions, that was an option that the Dr’s had gave us. For some people that may be the easy thing for them to do, but as I had told Chris when we were discussing our options, I didn’t want to choose the day that our daughter died.  Now that may seem morbid, why hold on if you know she won’t make it?  Because I wanted her to go when she was ready to go, and when God said it was her time.  I know that if we would of done the other option I probably wouldn’t of had to have any c-section’s, or have to have a classical c-section making it where all of my pregnancies I have to always have a c-section.  But that was just a minor bump that I really don’t mind, both of my sections were not bad at all, and I honestly prefer it, it’s not like I have a choice anyway. ;)
           The past 2 years we haven’t mourned too often, but we’ve celebrated Chloe’s life and the blessings that she has sent our way.  I can see her in Brooke every day, and yes I do wonder, would it be this way if Chloe had been fine, but I know that we wouldn’t have Brooke here.  Chloe was sent to us for a reason, and we got to see our guardian angel being born on January 8, 2013.  I know that she has helped watch over us since that day, and helped to send us Brooke. 
Happy Birthday Chloe, we love and miss you very much!

p.s. I wanted to say thank you to our family and friends who have been here for us, we appreciate it more than y’all will  ever know, and seeing/feeling all the love today has def helped me smile.

Brooke def liked releasing the balloons for big sister!
And helping to eat her cupcake!

Many Updates and Pictures!!

I haven’t typed in here in a while and have many updates and pictures I’d like to share with everyone!  As of March 10th we are going to the Dr every week now, and on the 14th we went to the new Baby Glance for some 3D/4D sonograms.  Of course Puff did not want to cooperate with us, she had both of her chunky legs up in front of her face, and her arms crossed behind them right in front of her face as well.  We got a few good pictures, but not too many that we could see her face fully, I’ll post some of them below.   

We also went back and saw our high risk Dr on March 18th, to get his opinion on when we should deliver, for those who don’t know I have a “classical” or vertical cut on my uterus, where as a normal c-section uterine cut goes horizontally.  Because of this every pregnancy I will deliver via c-section and I cannot have contractions due to the increased risk of possible uterine rupture.  He still suggested that we deliver anywhere between 36 wks and 38 wks (the closer to 40 wks I get the increased chance of labor).  We also got a good scan of her, which the sonographer said everything with her looks great, and everything has developed perfectly!  We also got some more 3D sonograms from them, and after trying for some time got some good ones of her chunky little face.  Chris and I agree that she def has my nose and cheeks, and she’s got daddy’s big lips.  According to her measurements at that time I was 32 wks, and she averaged 34 wks, and according to measurements could weigh 5 lbs 7 oz, which puts her in the 95th percentile for growth.  When we went to see Dr Martinez on the 10th when I was 31 wks my fundal height (the measurement from the pubic bone to the top of the uterus) measured 34 wks as well.   Which that just means that there is a big possibility she will be a larger baby, and could be around 8 lbs at birth, which I was 7 lbs (not sure how many ounces) and Chris was 6 lbs 11 oz at birth. 

We went back to see Dr Martinez on March 27th to discuss what Dr. Maher suggested and when we would most likely deliver.   As they both said we would shoot for the middle of 36-38 and go with 37 wks which I am 37 wks on the 19th, the day after my birthday.  Dr Martinez had said most likely we will deliver on either April 19th or April 20th, which I know the 20th is Easter this year, and it’s also my grandma’s birthday so that would be a pretty cool day for her to be born.  She would share my grandma’s birthday, and she would share Chris’ granny’s name for her middle name (Allie).  We don’t have anything set in stone just yet, but we are going back on April 1st and I’m guessing we will have the day scheduled for certain by then.

With around 3 wks left, its def getting more surreal that it’s going to be no longer be just Chris and me for the rest of our lives.  We’ve been together for 8 years, going on 9 in June, and its different to think how everything’s going to change, and will be such blessing.  We never really were able to get to have this feeling when pregnant with Chloe due to us just enjoying her pregnancy and here being with us for as long as we could.  And even though I’m nervous and know it’s going to be tough in the beginning this journey we’ve been on, from Chloe’s pregnancy to Puff’s pregnancy, have been such blessings for us, and something that have helped to mold Chris and I for the better.
Puff 20 wk sonogram, and 32 wk sonogram, look how chunky she's gotten!! 
 Puff at 32 wks, def has her daddy's lips!
 31 wks, 3D sonogram from Baby Glance with her arm right in front of her face 
 Some of our maternity pictures done by Mari Annelise Photography, 29 wks


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

One Month Old/ Dimples are Angel Kisses

Its hard to think that Brooke was born a month ago, it seems like just yesterday that we were going to the hospital to have her, its also hard to think of a time that she hasn't been here.  She's starting to come into her looks more and more, and it makes me kind of sad at how much she's growing already.  I look forward to her coming into her personality and being able to make her smile and laugh, and as Chris said the day she can say "I love you".  But I still get sad at how fast time goes, she's always going to be my baby, I'm going to miss the times that we just sit on the couch and I just have her laying on my chest all snuggled up.  Thank goodness for pictures!  Speaking of pictures, our friend Mari, who took our reveal and maternity pictures, took some amazing pictures of Brooke when she was a week old, which I'll post some of them at the bottom of this post.

Thankfully Brooke is a very good baby, she sleeps really well, I have to set alarms to get her up to eat.  We've gotten into a pretty good routine now, right after I get up to get her bottle she's usually starting to wake up ready to eat.  She also is really good about falling asleep by herself, and she only really cries when she has gas, getting her diaper or clothes changes, or is hungry.  I know we're going to have some tough days, but right now I'm very thankful for how blessed we've been.
I hate to admit that I've had a few days where I call Brooke Chloe.  It makes me a little sad, but I know its normal, we've only said Chloe's name for over a year.  I think it makes me sad because it makes me wonder if Chloe would of looked like Brooke, and if she would of been like Brooke or had her own little things.  Like Brooke when she's drinking her milk does this little high pitched like swallowing sound, its hard to explain but its the cutest thing ever.  Or if Chloe would have the reddish tint to her hair like Brooke, I know they would of had similarities in looks, but it still makes me wonder.  Both Chloe and Brooke have my nose, Chloe had my eyes, and Brooke has what look like her daddy's eyes, they both have the "Hart toes" as we call them, and Brooke has her daddy's hands/fingers, sadly I can't really remember what Chloe's hands/fingers looked like.

I'm not sure if anyone remembers my post about white butterflies, but few days before we had Brooke I kept seeing a single white butterfly in our yard, and the day we brought her home we saw what I would guess was the same little butterfly.  I like to think its Chloe keeping close to us, we see a white butterfly usually everyday now.  I'm not sure if I put this in our last post but Brooke has 3 dimples, 2 by her mouth, and one in her left cheek, and possibly one in her right cheek.  One of our friends step moms said she always heard that dimples were "angel kisses".  And which that makes sense cause Brooke does have her sister, her pawpaw, and her great granny in heaven.  I ended up googling to see if there was anyone else who have heard that before and I found this blog post that's a really good read, you should check it out:
I haven't looked at any of her other posts just yet besides this one, but she is also an Angel Mom with a little girl in heaven, and has rainbow baby who has a dimple in his little cheek.

I'll go ahead and stop my writing here, and post the pictures I was talking about above!

C-Section Hospital Bags!

So as we get closer to Puff being delivered I thought I would do a post on what's in our hospital bag.  Yes I know there are many different lists/suggestions on what to take with you to the hospital and there are even less for families who are going to have a c-section delivery.  Even though this isn't our first time, while packing our bags I kind of forgot everything that we actually took and what we used after we had Chloe.  Don't feel like you have to follow this list, or any list out there, I searched through a few on Google and Pinterest, and kind of adapted it to fit what I felt Chris, Puff, and I would need while we stayed.  With Chloe we stayed in the hospital for 3 days, and I know there's a chance we could stay longer this time around, I'm the type of person who likes to be prepared.  (On 2 blogs I read one family stayed for 4 days, and another family stayed for 7 days.)

Here we go:

Our Main Bag

For Me:

  • Wallet & Insurance Cards - Will actually be in my purse 
  • Belly Bandit - this is something that my sister told me about before Chloe's delivery, and let me tell you it is amazing!  The belly bandit helps to kind of hold everything in place, and to me it took the pressure off of my incision, I got up 1 time without it on and that was the worst thing I could of ever done. Also they aren't just for c-sections, you wear it for 6 wks after the baby and it helps with weight loss, and shrinking your uterus back to its normal size!
  • 2-3 Night gowns  - I didn't like wearing pants after Chloe's c-section, for me it was uncomfortable for anything to touch or sit near my incision.
  • Flip Flops 
  • Slippers
  • Robe -  Helps with the cold hospital rooms
  • 2 Nursing Bras - 1 of those sleep nursing bras, and then just a regular one.
  • Going Home Dress - I'm planning on wearing a dress to the hospital and just wearing the same one home, I'm only going to be wearing it for maybe a hour before I get into a hospital gown anyway.

For Chris:
  • 2 Shirts
  • Sweat Pants
  • P.J. Pants
  • Light Jacket
  • Slippers
  • Quarters & Dollar Bills - For the vending machines
We didn't really pack much for Chris, just some things for him to lounge in, he's planning to go home every night like he did when we had Chloe so he could check on Magic and Smokey, and he can get anything that we might need.

For Puff:
  • Going Home Outfit
  • Couple Hair Bows - A girl could always use a bow! Plus one is going to match her going home outfit.
  • Pairs of Socks
  • Mittens - Don't want her scratching her pretty face
  • 2 Sleeper Onesies - They are button up ones and have the feet on them, both are NB size
  • 3 mon Onesie - Just in case she does come out 8 pounds, and the NB onesies are to small
  • Burp Cloth
  • Swaddle Blanket - I received some super cute/soft Aden and Anais Swaddlers at my baby shower's, I know they have blankets there to swaddle her in but I kind of want to use her things, and know that we can swaddle her in the ones we have at home.
  • Light Blanket - For the car seat when we head home.
  • Stuffed Animal
Bathroom Bag:  This is all pretty obvious, will be packed up the night before, and travel size things are perfect for this bag!
  • Phone Chargers - I have 2 - 10 ft charge cables in this bag so they are easy to find 
  • Travel Sized Brush & Comb
  • Few Hair Ties, Bobby Pins, & a Hair Clip
  • Little Make Up - Some women don't want or have time to do their make up, and that's okay!  I was just going to take some eye shadow, eye liner, and mascara.  Plus if you want to do pictures in the hospital some moms want to have on a little make up.
  • Travel Mirror
  • Lip Balm - I love those little eros lip balms, and plus the air at the hospital can be pretty dry
  • Face Wash/Face Wipes
  • 2 Travel Sized Shampoo/Body Wash
  • Deodorant - for both Chris and I
  • 2 Toothbrushes
  • Toothpaste
  • Contacts, Case, & Solution
  • Glasses Case
  • Prenatal Vitamins
  • Heart Burn Medicine -  I got a prescription for Prevacid this time around, with both pregnancies I have had the worst indigestion, I don't know if I can take it while in the hospital, but being a prescription I'd rather take it with me and ask.
  • Colace (Stool Softener) - If you haven't had a baby or haven't heard, this is TMI, but trying to go number 2 afterwards is HORRIBLE!  I'm not sure if they can give any in the hospital, they did give me Mylanta to help with gas pain, so some hospitals may give you a stool softener if you ask.
  • Advil - This is for Chris, I don't know if the hospital would give him anything if he got a headache so I'd rather be safe then sorry.

Misc Items:  Some of these things are going to stay in the car until we need them
  • Camera & Charger
  • Nintendo DS & Games
  • 2 Pillows - Will stay in the car until we need them just another comfort from home, plus those hospital pillows are so flat
  • Blanket - This will stay in the car until we need it, and is mainly for Chris, they gave him pillows and blankets for him to sleep on but like the pillows they weren't to soft or comfy.
  • 2-3 Large Reusable Grocery Bags - I got mine from Michael's Craft Store, and were super cute/cheap.  I read a mom on another blog did this when she had her last to put all the things you get to take home from the hospital, and anything else so it won't take up room in your other bags.
  • Snacks - These will probably be in one of the reusable bags, even though there are snack machines, I figure having snacks will come in handy if we don't want to leave the room, or when my nieces and nephews come visit they can have some. 
On to the maybe items:  Not sure just yet if we will be taking these things or not just yet
  • Nursing Cover - I was thinking I can go ahead and figure out how it will sit/work, and I might can use it if we have unexpected guests, so they wouldn't have to wait in the hall or anything like that.
  • My Brest Friend Pillow  - I was given this pillow by a friend who loved it, it falls similar to the nursing cover, I just keep thinking I can go ahead and figure out how it will work for me.
  • 1-2 Bath Towels - Read this one on another blog as well, she had just grabbed a cheaper one from Target and took it with her.  The hospital towels are so thin and scratchy it is a good idea to bring one softer with you.
  • Nurse Thank You's - I really do want to do some kind of thank you for the nurses, I'm just not 100% sure what I would like to do just yet, once I figure out what I'm wanting to do it won't be a maybe anymore.

When it's all written out it seems like a lot of things, but when they are all packed it all fits nicely in a small (like carry on size) rolling duffle bag, and a medium sized square bathroom bag!  I've had our bags packed for the most part since I was about 32 wks, most people don't get theirs ready till about 35 wks, but I figured since we know we're going to deliver at 37 wks I'd go ahead and do what I could to not fret about how quickly she will be here.