Monday, August 24, 2015

Where is Time Going?

As I sit here and watch Brooke play with her Minnie Mouse tea set I can't believe how big she's gotten, and what a personality she's developed in 15 months.  I know in just a bit we'll head to the bedroom, cuddle and probably watch Octonauts as she slowly drifts off to sleep.  I think with kids starting school, and seeing all of my nieces and nephews grow older it's gotten me kind of emotional.  My baby isn't much of a baby anymore, she's a dancing, smiling, laughing, talktive, crazy at times, fun loving, not so little bundle of joy.  I think of that saying, "you'll never get this time with your kids again, so cherish it", and believe me Chris and I def do.  Some may think we spoil Brooke, but my thinking is you can never spoil a kid with too much love and affection.  A friend pinned a picture that I think is so true it said something like, 'No matter who comes into their lives, they will never love them as much as I do'.

My oldest niece is starting Jr high this year.  I just need to let that sink in, this young lady who's about my height now that I used to change her diapers, and coached her soccer team since she was 4, is starting Jr high.  I think it's hard to fathom that she's grown so much in what feels like such a little amount of time.  I feel the same with Brooke, it was just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital wasn't it??

Chris and I have talked about having more kids, and while we def do, hopefully it won't be soon, maybe 2-3 years.  Unless God's plan for us is different of course.  I think right now we have our hands pretty full with this little gymnast that's climbing onto the couch and attacking us.

With everything that has happened in our life's in the past 3 years of our totally imperfectness.  Just sitting here on the couch with Brooke stealing my phone and saying cheese at the camera, and Chris playing a little xbox, it feels pretty perfect to me.  I'm sure it helps that we have some pretty amazing people watching over us.  I hope everyone has great days back to school, and a wonderful school year!

Still has one beautiful smile
Squishy face with daddy

Monday, August 10, 2015

Taboo

Did you know that 1 in 4 women will have some sort of pregnancy loss?  That's 25% of women, yet no one talks about it.

I watched the YouTube vogglers Nia and Sam's video which has been circulating around FB about him announcing her pregnancy to her. (Check it out here https://youtu.be/GODw8TuinNQ)  It was a very cute (and somewhat odd) video and seeing how happy they were made me very happy for them.  Unfortunately today I saw a video of theirs where they sadly announced that they had miscarried.  It's so sad to hear and read. They were all so excited and unfortunately it came to an ubrupt end.  I know that feeling all to well. 

A big thing that bothers me though is the comments that they're receiving, some saying that they "faked" the pregnancy, and others saying "they announced to early". I read she was around 6-7 wks along.  I know it's taboo to announce before 12 wks to anyone but we announced both of our pregnancies before 12 wks, and I have a child in heaven and a healthy one here on Earth.  It's hard to keep the joys of pregnancy quiet. I know some think it will jinx a healthy pregnancy, but you get to be happy for a little bit longer. God forbid something bad does happen, you don't have to go about it alone.  It's sad that our society makes us feel like it's wrong to talk about pregnancy loss, or child loss because it's taboo and makes people uncomfortable. However you know what it's even more uncomfortable for the people going through it? Knowing that they can't talk about their loss cause it makes things weird.  What all those parents need sometimes is for someone to talk to, to listen to them, to let them know they are still parents, or to just simply speak about their child. 

Going back to the statistic at the first, if you have 3 of your closest friends in a circle with you, 1 person statistically in that circle will, God forbid, miscarry. 1 in 4 is not a big number.  It sucks to become a statistic, and when it happens, you feel like you're the only one going through it, even though you know you're not.  In the past 2 years since Chloe's birth it seems like there has been more awareness being brought up about pregnancy and child loss. I may notice because we're one family that has been through it, but I have the hope that one day it won't be so taboo to talk about. It can happen to anyone at any time and unfortunately no one is exempt.

Dad:

After going through what we did, I learned a few valuable lessons. Talking about it to people, to me, is a double edged sword. It feels good to let it out, but it feels like ripping off a bandaid. If someone talks to you about their situation and really let's you know how their heart feels, listen to them. They are opening up their heart and soul to you and letting you see their vulnerable side. When our daughter was given the grim diagnosis I had a tough time talking to anyone. I didn't want people to know how bad it hurt. To this day I regret not letting anyone in 100%. The only real person who has seen my dark side is my wife. It's a dark and deep space that is slowly, but surely, getting occupied by Brooke. She has truly changed my mind and heart more than anything in the world. What happened with Chloe will be in my heart and soul forever. It's a love/hate issue. I loved the fact that I was able to hold her, kiss her, and pray over her. However I hated it because I knew I'd never hold her, kiss her, or see her ever again. There isn't a tougher feeling in the world to overcome than that of a child that has been ripped out of your life for no reason and there is nothing you can do to fix it.