So you know how sometimes you can be in a certain mood and when you get in your car and start listening to the radio the song that's playing seems like it fits how you feel? Well that's happened to me for a few days, the day after we got the news about Lucas, I was still kind of down and thinking about the worst and when I had gotten into my car the country song "live like you were dying" was playing and was towards the end, then Brad Paisley's song "If he's anything like me" song about his son came on the radio, and I kinda thought to myself "Geeze these both kinda fit our situation. Then on Sat I was driving to my soccer teams last game and was kinda down again and the song "anything could happen" by Elli Goldenberg(?) was playing, (the only reason why I know the name and artist is thanks to Sirius having the info button) and I wasn't paying much attention cause I had never heard it till then, and when I finally started listening to the song it was on the part that says "I know its gonna be alright". So then I was really like "Okay God I get that I don't need to be worrying anymore its just hard". I could of been a coincidence that all those songs where playing when I was feeling down, or maybe someone was really trying to tell me something, I like to think that God was talking to me through the songs.
Chris and I went yesterday to see Dr Martinez, and it went better then we had thought, I was scared it would be more bad news, but Dr. Martinez was just wanting to see how we were doing, and how we are understanding everything, which was nice. He just explained to us that our situation could go one of 2 ways, either a good way, or sadly a bad way. As he said he wasn't trying to tell us this to be rude, he's experienced in his years of being a Dr that if you tell a woman the worst that could happen, they know what to do and came handle it better if that time were to come. Which I understand, and I believe Chris and I are in a much better place now then we were, and I know with each other, God with us, and our amazing family and friends by our sides, no matter what happens we will be able to make it through anything. Also as Chris had put on his facebook, if anyone needs a Dr we highly recommend Dr Martinez, yes he is in Odessa, but he is an amazing person, and doesn't talk to you like a patient, he talks to peer to peer, yes he uses the large medical terms, but he follows then up with ways that a person could understand them. You may know how some Dr's seem to just be doing their job, but he doesn't make you feel that way, and I can tell that he genuinely cares for us, and is very sad for our situation and for having to give us bad news, and that helps us to cope better as well.
We go back to the Dr's on the 5th, we'll go in the morning to speak with the genetics counselor, and another Dr in Dr Blanco's office for a sonogram, and then in the afternoon to see Dr Martinez once again. We appreciate everyones prayers, and kind thought, I don't know where we would be with out them.
Our journey of hope, prayers, and loving our little Chloe
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Some news
Well while at work I got a call from my original Dr, Dr Martinez's office, and his nurse said that he wants to see us at least once a week. I talked to a friend who went to Dr Blanco (the high risk Dr) and she said that she went to her original Dr and Dr Blanco each week as well. So it looks like we will be going to see them and hopefully get more results/news and hopefully know more of what we can do each week. We are going tomorrow to see Dr Martinez, and then we will go back to Dr Blanco's office on Nov 5th to meet with the genetics counselor and see one of his colleague Dr's that work there as well. We should be receiving the results from the past 2 blood tests that they did at the end of last week at this appt too. (The chromosomal test on trisomy 18 and trisomy 21, and infection test.)
Day's have been getting better, as I said in the entry from earlier it gets difficult to be positive with the unknown, but I know that its not health for Lucas for me to worry about the things that I can't change. We have many friends who have been very kind to check on us, and make sure we are doing alright, which Chris and I are very thankful for. A friend from work also found a website with moms who see to of went through similar things as us, if anyone would like to check it out and maybe be able to get a better understanding for what we are experiencing here it is:
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/pregnancy/choroidplexuscyst.html
If anyone else knows someone who's went through this, or similar tests or anything please let us know, we are open to any advice or help that can be offered in figuring out how to make Lucas all better.
Day's have been getting better, as I said in the entry from earlier it gets difficult to be positive with the unknown, but I know that its not health for Lucas for me to worry about the things that I can't change. We have many friends who have been very kind to check on us, and make sure we are doing alright, which Chris and I are very thankful for. A friend from work also found a website with moms who see to of went through similar things as us, if anyone would like to check it out and maybe be able to get a better understanding for what we are experiencing here it is:
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/pregnancy/choroidplexuscyst.html
If anyone else knows someone who's went through this, or similar tests or anything please let us know, we are open to any advice or help that can be offered in figuring out how to make Lucas all better.
Confusion
Woke up this morning not in the best of moods, I really wish the 5th was here. It gets hard to stay positive at times cause of the unknown, I think that's always the hardest part of anything in life is the unknown. I've read a few quotes one of my favorite right now is, "Worrying won't change the situation," or something like. I'm just hoping for a better outcome in the end of all this.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Scarier times
On Wed Oct 24th I was leaving my moms house to head to work, when I noticed some more blood after going to the restroom, and this time was not like the first time, this blood was fairly bright red, and there was much more then before. Thankfully Chris was off work, I finally got a hold of the Dr's office, and since Dr. Martinez wasn't in yet, they scheduled us to see the sonogram tech. We got in and got to see the baby moving and kicking, and got to hear his strong heart beat once again, so we knew he was still okay in there, just didn't know what was going on. We had to go back that afternoon to see Dr. Martinez, when we got there he had asked me if I could have broken my water, which I of course said 'no?' probably with a very confused look. He then went on to tell us that the amniotic fluid was very low, and the baby's movements this morning were abnormal. Also that the sonogram tech saw some cysts on the Lucas' brain, and that we needed to start seeing a high risk pregnancy Dr. There really wasn't much that he could do for us, but they could help us out a lot more, and have better equipment. So when we left, we felt horrible, how could there be cysts on our baby's brain, and how could they not help us, it just all seemed surreal. I got a call a little while later from his nurse saying she got us in with Dr. Blanco on the 25th at 2. After we got back into Midland Chris and I went to my moms house, and just hung out with all of my niece's and nephew's, which really helped clear my mind of any negative thoughts.
The next day I went to work to try to clear my mind, and the ladies that I work with helped me with that, and helped me with all the bad thoughts that were running through my head. After what seemed like an eternity 2 came around, and thankfully Chris' bosses let him take off for the appt so he could be with us. We started out the visit with the nurse doing another sonogram, and that's when she said she thinks that she saw something poking out between the baby's legs, later we found out indeed we were blessed with a little boy. We got to hear his strong heart beat once again, and saw him moving around. When the Dr finally came in he started another sonogram to look at everything and then started to speak with us. He started by saying it wasn't easy to say this but our baby was very sick, and the cysts in the brain are very large. He proceeded to show us where they were on the sonogram of the head, and started to ask us some questions. I was 16 wks 4 days at the time, but our little Lucas was only measuring 14 wks 4 days, and his amniotic fluid was very low. Dr Blanco had asked if may be I could of had an infection, or ran a fever any time which I hadn't. He went on to explain that there could be many things that could of happened, from chromosome's not splitting properly, to me having an infection, a possible blood clot, or even in some rare case the baby could of had a stroke. This left me feeling very sad, and confused. I just remember him saying that there could be major brain damage, and he was afraid that there may be nothing that they could do, and that our baby might not make it. He said we would take it all one at a time, and he wanted to start with getting a blood draw from me to test the chromosomes and the possibility for an infection, and we would go back to see his colleague and the genetic counselor and be able to get more informed of what may happen.
After we left Chris had to go back to work, and I think we were both numb to all of the news that was given to us. I was so angry, sad, and confused, it hurt to know that our son may not be here for us to hold and love. I heard the saying God only puts you through what you can handle, but I wanted to know why he thought that we could handle something like this? I didn't feel as strong as I'm sure he knows that I am. And I got angry thinking of all the women out there who don't care about their pregnancies and they have healthy children, and the women who have healthy kids but they don't give a damn about them, they just go out and never have a care in the world! Why did this happen to us? I thought we were doing everything right, only to be smacked in the face with such horrible news, I know we would be the best parents we could be, and now there was a possibility that we wouldn't get that chance, and it wasn't fair.
Later that night while Chris was at work, I decided that I wanted our son to have a name, and I wanted that name to have meaning, so I searched for names and came across a few, and when Chris got home from work we both agreed on the name Lucas, which means bringer of the light. We also chose his middle name to be Owen which means little warrior. No matter what was going to happen our son would have a name and he would know how much he is already loved by his parents. Chris and I both agreed that we would talk to him everyday, and Chris would still kiss him every morning and night. On the 26th Chris had to go to work around 5 am, and much to me I woke up around 4 not in a good mood. Chris had woken up, and I sat there and cried to him and told him how I was feeling and that I was tired of feeling that way that I just wanted our son to be healthy and not have all this negative news. After Chris left for work I stayed up looking at pinterest when I came across a quote about God. It was then that I decided that I needed to have a talk with him. I started by talking to Lucas and telling him that mommy and daddy needed him to fight and get better, and how much we loved him already. Then I talked to God and asked him for understanding in this time and for strength and courage to get us all through this. I was handing all of the problems that I had over to him, and I wanted him to know that we needed him. After I prayed and spoke with Lucas, I had what seemed like a major weight lifted off my heart and shoulders. I had decided that I was done with the negative attitude, and worrying about what could be, if something bad was going to happen it would happen in Gods time, and we would get through it when that time came, until then we would celebrate Lucas and this beautiful miracle of pregnancy, take it all one day at a time, and know that we will have done all that we can. When I got to work all of the ladies and Dr Watson were very supportive and helped me stay positive and give me good reinforcement, and prayed over Lucas. Chris, Lucas, and I had received very many nice thoughts and prayers from everyone on FB, and I was receiving many texts from dear friends who helped. I have never felt so much love, and am so appreciative for all of it. When I got to work all of the ladies and Dr Watson were very supportive and helped me stay positive and give me good reinforcement, and prayed over Lucas.
We go back to the Dr on Nov 5th to speak with the counselor and get another sonogram done, and hopefully be able to understand Lucas' situation better. We just want to give a big thank you to everyone out there who has us in their thoughts and their prayers. Once we know more we will keep posting and keep everyone up to date.
The next day I went to work to try to clear my mind, and the ladies that I work with helped me with that, and helped me with all the bad thoughts that were running through my head. After what seemed like an eternity 2 came around, and thankfully Chris' bosses let him take off for the appt so he could be with us. We started out the visit with the nurse doing another sonogram, and that's when she said she thinks that she saw something poking out between the baby's legs, later we found out indeed we were blessed with a little boy. We got to hear his strong heart beat once again, and saw him moving around. When the Dr finally came in he started another sonogram to look at everything and then started to speak with us. He started by saying it wasn't easy to say this but our baby was very sick, and the cysts in the brain are very large. He proceeded to show us where they were on the sonogram of the head, and started to ask us some questions. I was 16 wks 4 days at the time, but our little Lucas was only measuring 14 wks 4 days, and his amniotic fluid was very low. Dr Blanco had asked if may be I could of had an infection, or ran a fever any time which I hadn't. He went on to explain that there could be many things that could of happened, from chromosome's not splitting properly, to me having an infection, a possible blood clot, or even in some rare case the baby could of had a stroke. This left me feeling very sad, and confused. I just remember him saying that there could be major brain damage, and he was afraid that there may be nothing that they could do, and that our baby might not make it. He said we would take it all one at a time, and he wanted to start with getting a blood draw from me to test the chromosomes and the possibility for an infection, and we would go back to see his colleague and the genetic counselor and be able to get more informed of what may happen.
After we left Chris had to go back to work, and I think we were both numb to all of the news that was given to us. I was so angry, sad, and confused, it hurt to know that our son may not be here for us to hold and love. I heard the saying God only puts you through what you can handle, but I wanted to know why he thought that we could handle something like this? I didn't feel as strong as I'm sure he knows that I am. And I got angry thinking of all the women out there who don't care about their pregnancies and they have healthy children, and the women who have healthy kids but they don't give a damn about them, they just go out and never have a care in the world! Why did this happen to us? I thought we were doing everything right, only to be smacked in the face with such horrible news, I know we would be the best parents we could be, and now there was a possibility that we wouldn't get that chance, and it wasn't fair.
Later that night while Chris was at work, I decided that I wanted our son to have a name, and I wanted that name to have meaning, so I searched for names and came across a few, and when Chris got home from work we both agreed on the name Lucas, which means bringer of the light. We also chose his middle name to be Owen which means little warrior. No matter what was going to happen our son would have a name and he would know how much he is already loved by his parents. Chris and I both agreed that we would talk to him everyday, and Chris would still kiss him every morning and night. On the 26th Chris had to go to work around 5 am, and much to me I woke up around 4 not in a good mood. Chris had woken up, and I sat there and cried to him and told him how I was feeling and that I was tired of feeling that way that I just wanted our son to be healthy and not have all this negative news. After Chris left for work I stayed up looking at pinterest when I came across a quote about God. It was then that I decided that I needed to have a talk with him. I started by talking to Lucas and telling him that mommy and daddy needed him to fight and get better, and how much we loved him already. Then I talked to God and asked him for understanding in this time and for strength and courage to get us all through this. I was handing all of the problems that I had over to him, and I wanted him to know that we needed him. After I prayed and spoke with Lucas, I had what seemed like a major weight lifted off my heart and shoulders. I had decided that I was done with the negative attitude, and worrying about what could be, if something bad was going to happen it would happen in Gods time, and we would get through it when that time came, until then we would celebrate Lucas and this beautiful miracle of pregnancy, take it all one day at a time, and know that we will have done all that we can. When I got to work all of the ladies and Dr Watson were very supportive and helped me stay positive and give me good reinforcement, and prayed over Lucas. Chris, Lucas, and I had received very many nice thoughts and prayers from everyone on FB, and I was receiving many texts from dear friends who helped. I have never felt so much love, and am so appreciative for all of it. When I got to work all of the ladies and Dr Watson were very supportive and helped me stay positive and give me good reinforcement, and prayed over Lucas.
We go back to the Dr on Nov 5th to speak with the counselor and get another sonogram done, and hopefully be able to understand Lucas' situation better. We just want to give a big thank you to everyone out there who has us in their thoughts and their prayers. Once we know more we will keep posting and keep everyone up to date.
Beginning of the second trimester
We hadn't gotten to see lucas at all in September, but we had our 13 wk appt on Oct 2nd. Its amazing how much our little guy had grown since the last time we saw him. At the time we had absolutley no idea what we were having, and hoped that maybe Dr. Martinez would give us some kind of clue. At this visit we got to hear his strong heart beat again and see him moving around a lot. We asked about the possibility of seeing the gender but Dr. Martinez said that he didn't do that till the 20 wk visit, which was alright, but we just wouldn't know what he was till November. Everything appeared to be good, his heart sounded good, and he was def moving around. We left our visit very happy and even more excited then before, and we also had gotten some pretty good pictures of him.
I hadn't had any morning sickness or hardly anything from the start of the pregnancy. But let me tell you some of my friends would tell me how much their breast hurt at first and to be honest I thought they were crazy, until we found out we were pregnant! It seemed like it was the day after we found out that I could barely do anything without them hurting majorly, so anyone who doesn't believe it, just beware! The only thing that had happened lately was I got a ear inf and a tooth abscess and ended up needing a root canal. We were set to go back to the Dr on Oct 30, and as far as we knew everything was fine.
I hadn't had any morning sickness or hardly anything from the start of the pregnancy. But let me tell you some of my friends would tell me how much their breast hurt at first and to be honest I thought they were crazy, until we found out we were pregnant! It seemed like it was the day after we found out that I could barely do anything without them hurting majorly, so anyone who doesn't believe it, just beware! The only thing that had happened lately was I got a ear inf and a tooth abscess and ended up needing a root canal. We were set to go back to the Dr on Oct 30, and as far as we knew everything was fine.
Here is a close up of his face with his little arm by his head like he's waving
This one is the side view of him, his body is almost in a 'V' shape, but you can see how long his legs are!
From the beginning
As most of our friends and family know, Chris and I have been together since June 26, 2005, and got married on June 25, 2011. We recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary, and on July 20th we learned we would soon be first time parents. I had always told Chris I wanted to wait till I was 25 to have children, why 25 I really have no idea it just seemed like a good age, but God had another plan, I'm am 23 and Chris is 25.
In June before we celebrated our anniversary we thought that we may of been pregnant, bu I had taken several at home tests, and a blood test and they all said negative, nothing said we were pregnant besides me missing my period completely in June, so we just did our normal routine and went on with life. I hadn't taken a test at all at the beginning of July, and on the 20th to be exact Chris said we should take one. My almost exact words were "I'm not wasting more money on those expensive tests just to see another negative, so if you want me to take one you're buying me one." Smart right, not so much! We happened to be at Target and he brought it up so we bought the first response test that came with the 2 pink line test, and a digital test. It was around 7 or so when we finally got the nerve to take the first pink line test, we waited 2 mins it took to develop then we both looked at it, I saw only one pink line, meaning negative, and told Chris, "See another negative." But then Chris looked a little closer and asked if I could see the other pink line, honestly I started getting nervous and when I could see there were 2 pink lines meaning I was pregnant, I swore I was going to pass out. My first thought was 'how are we going to tell our parents?!' As if we weren't married and owned a house, so really how bad would it be to tell them. Then I thought 'oh crap I'm going to dinner with my sisters how and I not going to tell them?!'
After the dinner with my sisters I came home and we took the digital test, we covered the results box with a piece of paper and just saw the little clock blinking saying it was processing. Once it stopped blinking meaning the results popped up, Chris and I looked at each other with the 'you look first' face and I think Chris even told me to move the paper, but we were nervous, finally on the count of 3 we moved it together, and behold it said YES+ on the screen. That's when I thought I was going to really pass out, I've always wanted to be a mom, and start a family with Chris, but I didn't know if I was really ready, but honestly how can you ever be fully ready for a baby. So on July 23rd we went to the Dr to have the blood test done, and but the 25th we knew that were 100% pregnant with our first baby, and I was only about 2-3 wks along. Crazy how we were able to find out so early, and trying to keep it a secret till the proper time (8-10 wks along) to tell everyone definitely was a challenge.
As the weeks past we grew more excited to go into the Dr to see our baby for the first time, my first appt was set up for when I would be 8 wks. But at 6 wks I had experienced some very light bleeding, and being so early the Dr wanted to see me to do some blood work, and then to do a sonogram after we got the blood results back. On August 13th we got to hear the amazing sound of our baby's heart beat for the first time, and it was such an amazing experience. The baby was so very tiny it was hard for them to get a good measurement for a possible due date, but we didn't care our baby was alive and had a strong heart beat. We went for what was suppose to be our first visit on August 28, and once again got to see how much the baby had grown, and how loud and strong its little heart beat was. By measurements they put me at 8 wks 2 days, and my due date to April 7, 2013. This was the day that we announced to everyone, including FB, that we were expecting our first child in April.
In June before we celebrated our anniversary we thought that we may of been pregnant, bu I had taken several at home tests, and a blood test and they all said negative, nothing said we were pregnant besides me missing my period completely in June, so we just did our normal routine and went on with life. I hadn't taken a test at all at the beginning of July, and on the 20th to be exact Chris said we should take one. My almost exact words were "I'm not wasting more money on those expensive tests just to see another negative, so if you want me to take one you're buying me one." Smart right, not so much! We happened to be at Target and he brought it up so we bought the first response test that came with the 2 pink line test, and a digital test. It was around 7 or so when we finally got the nerve to take the first pink line test, we waited 2 mins it took to develop then we both looked at it, I saw only one pink line, meaning negative, and told Chris, "See another negative." But then Chris looked a little closer and asked if I could see the other pink line, honestly I started getting nervous and when I could see there were 2 pink lines meaning I was pregnant, I swore I was going to pass out. My first thought was 'how are we going to tell our parents?!' As if we weren't married and owned a house, so really how bad would it be to tell them. Then I thought 'oh crap I'm going to dinner with my sisters how and I not going to tell them?!'
After the dinner with my sisters I came home and we took the digital test, we covered the results box with a piece of paper and just saw the little clock blinking saying it was processing. Once it stopped blinking meaning the results popped up, Chris and I looked at each other with the 'you look first' face and I think Chris even told me to move the paper, but we were nervous, finally on the count of 3 we moved it together, and behold it said YES+ on the screen. That's when I thought I was going to really pass out, I've always wanted to be a mom, and start a family with Chris, but I didn't know if I was really ready, but honestly how can you ever be fully ready for a baby. So on July 23rd we went to the Dr to have the blood test done, and but the 25th we knew that were 100% pregnant with our first baby, and I was only about 2-3 wks along. Crazy how we were able to find out so early, and trying to keep it a secret till the proper time (8-10 wks along) to tell everyone definitely was a challenge.
As the weeks past we grew more excited to go into the Dr to see our baby for the first time, my first appt was set up for when I would be 8 wks. But at 6 wks I had experienced some very light bleeding, and being so early the Dr wanted to see me to do some blood work, and then to do a sonogram after we got the blood results back. On August 13th we got to hear the amazing sound of our baby's heart beat for the first time, and it was such an amazing experience. The baby was so very tiny it was hard for them to get a good measurement for a possible due date, but we didn't care our baby was alive and had a strong heart beat. We went for what was suppose to be our first visit on August 28, and once again got to see how much the baby had grown, and how loud and strong its little heart beat was. By measurements they put me at 8 wks 2 days, and my due date to April 7, 2013. This was the day that we announced to everyone, including FB, that we were expecting our first child in April.
As you can see on the one on top is the first test taken, and how hard it is to see that second line!
Our first sonogram, the dotted line is where the baby is at, and you can see how tiny he was!
This is another of our first sonogram, and it shows the heart beat
These are the 8 wk sonograms
This is a close up of the sonogram with his strong heart beat, you can def tell how much he has grown!
Here is our announcement picture, taken shortly after our 8 wk visit
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